Act 2 Scene 1

(Enter Chief to a bunch of bodyguards moaning about their injuries)

Chief: This is a mess. First the most dangerous weapon on the planet is stolen and now the president has been kidnapped by the same guy who stole the T-2000. The world must not know that the president has been taken away.

Extra spy #1: It’s much too late for that

Chief: What do you mean it’s too late for that?

Extra spy #2: Ben just put it on his facebook status.

Chief: What?! (Turns to spy #3)

Extra spy #3: Actually I tweeted it... god

Chief: (Takes away cellphone and reads what it says) O..M..G.. the president has just been stolen.  L...O...L...J...K...J...K. What is this?!

Extra spy #4: It’s an LG 2011 premium plus touch screen smart phone!

Extra spy #3: Yea jeez everybody has one these days

Extra spy #2: Can’t go to work without it

Chief: That’s not what I meant; I mean, why would do that!?

Extra spy #1: How else would we share to other people whats going on in our lives?

Chief: You’re secret agents! You shouldn’t be sharing to other people whats going on in your lives. It’s supposed to be a secret! I don’t believe this.

Dime: (Enters) Chief, the world is going beserk over the kidnapping of the president. What are you going to do?

Chief: I have no idea what to do. We don’t even know who this guy is.

Samuel: (Enters with Blonde and Pepper) Yeah we do

Dime: But Samuel we’ve checked this guy out, he isn’t on our threat list. We have no record of him.

Samuel: Did you check records from 21 years ago?

Dime: No but...

Samuel: Exactly! Don’t you all see?! He is Dr Sinister, the one that I’ve been trying to warn you about for quite some time now.

Chief: How can you know for sure?

Blonde: Chief, with all due respect I think you’re going to have to follow Sam on this one. What choice we have. He is the only one who knows anything about this Dr Sinister. We’re going to have to trust him.

Pepper: I think you’re going to have to put a team together to find this Dr Sinister. It’s the only way.

Dime: They’re right Chief.  With Samuel Start’s information we can maybe find the president.

Chief: Alright. Agents assemble!

(All the extra bodyguard spies, Jen, Jill, Samuel, Blonde, and Pepper get into a formation standing straight with their hands behind their back)

Chief: In the thirty-one years I have run this agency...

Dime: Actually it would be thirty-three Chief

Chief: *Sigh* Thirty-three years I have run this agency I have never seen a disaster like this one.

Dime: Well it was pretty crazy when Mister Doom froze the...

Chief: NOT THE TIME DIME!

Dime: Sorry

Chief: As I was saying, we face the greatest threat I have ever seen to this day. A team must be assembled to combat this adversary and retrieve the president with the T-2000. To lead the team I call upon James Blonde.

Blonde: Will do Chief. (Steps to go with Chief)

Chief: Pepper, you also will be part of the team

Pepper: As always

Chief: Lastly, to guide the team, I call upon Samuel Start

Dime: Good job Samuel.

Samuel: YESSSSS!

Chief: Alright let’s not get too emotional here. I’m giving you a chance here Start. Don’t mess this up for me.

Samuel: I won’t.

Chief: That’s all agents. You can disassemble.

Jen: Hey we need to go too.

Jill: The president is our responsibility.

Chief: He was your responsibility, and then you let him get kidnapped.

Jen: He had ninjas!

Jill: Look you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Chief: Too many people and he’ll know we’re coming for him.

Jen: Listen mister, I may not know you the best but we are two of the most highly trained bodyguards in the world.

Jill: I think you’d better let us join the team.

Chief: Very well then. (Jen and Jill go with Samuel, Pepper, and Blonde) Alright you five shall...

Dexter: (from offstage) Wait!

Chief: Now what... (grumbling)

Dexter: (enters) I’m going with them.

Blonde: This mission is no place for a scientist.

Dexter: It should be if that scientist made the most dangerous weapon in the world and had it stolen. If they activate the T-2000 to destroy I’m your only chance to get it fixed.

Chief: He goes with the team.

Dexter: Thank you (Goes with the rest of the team)

Chief: Now Start, any Idea on where we can find this Dr Sinister?

Samuel: I don’t know where he is, but I do know how we can find him.

 (Blackout)

After/Before Intermission Dance Scene

(To do before or after intermission, preferably before)

Mr President comes in with Jen and Jill from stage right when suddenly Dr Sinister, Ninjas, and the T-2000 enter stage right also. Dr Sinister, Ninjas, and the T-2000 run past them onto stage left leaving Mr President behind bewildered. Dr Sinister and Ninjas recognize that it’s the president they just ran past and turn around all synchronized and look at the president with evil grins. Ninjas take their fighting stance. Jen and Jill take their fighting stance. Mr President shakes his head and motions hand so that extra presidential bodyguards come in as well. Dr Sinister slowly walks and then runs away with the T-2000. Ninja’s look in the direction Dr Sinister exited and then shake their heads. 

(Mission Impossible theme): Ninjas and Bodyguards dance fight and it ends with the president being taken away by the ninjas.

You can do this dance however you like. Have fun with the dancing fighting. It can be cheesy, it can be good, and it can be awful. If you just have fun with it will look hilarious. Song is optional and can be changed if you would like.

Act 1 Scene 3 (First Draft)

(Enter presidential bodyguards. They only talk with the earphone headpieces)

Jill: Jen?

Jen: (enters) Yes Jill?

Jill: Is he coming?

Jen:  He’ll be here soon.  He’s just eating his cheeseburger in the agency dining hall.

Jill: and you’re not with him?

Jen: You know how much he likes to eat his cheeseburgers in peace.

Jill: True (Jill waits for a while looking back and looking at their watches)

Jill: How come he is taking so long?

Jen: He got the double double ok?

Jill: Even still, I mean shouldn’t we go back and check to see if he’s ok?

Jen: Do you want to disturb him while he’s eating a cheeseburger? (Silence, Jill get’s really impatient)

Jill: I’m going back to check back on him. It’s been 5 minutes.

Jen: Good luck. (Jill goes offstage. We hear mister then the smashing of plates and growling (FX). Jill comes back onstage with her hair all messed up.)

Jill: He’s almost finished. (Jen shakes her head. The president enters.)

Mr. President: How many times have I told you two not to disturb me when I’m eating an American cheeseburger?

Jen & Jill: 3 times including this time, Mr President.

Mr. President: That’s 3 times too many. Now as president I have alot of responsibilities and priorities. My top priority is taking the time and care to give love a double-double with cheese. My second priority is to check out this new invention the agency is presenting to me. I suggest we get going. (About to get going when Chief enters)

Chief: Ahh Mr President, so glad to have you here.

Mr President: It’s great to be here. Now we should probably get a move on that presentation, I’m a man with little patience and little time.

Chief: Yes Mr President, right away Mr President. (Signals to Dexter,Dime, Blonde and Pepper. The T-2000 is under a cover) We’ll do the presentation right here no problem. If you mind we’ll have to get your body-guards out of the ro...

Jen: We’re not going anywhere (threatening)

Chief: Okay then well you two are staying, Dime I want you to take notes and send the memo to the president straight after this.

Dime: Will do Chief

Chief: Alright Dexter let’s see what this thing’s got

Dexter: Sure thing Chief. If you could all just find somewhere to stand or sit down it make my job a whole lot easier. Okay! Well welcome, my name is Dexter and here at the agency we have created something that will in the near future replace agents entirely. Without further adieu I give you all the T-2000. (Takes off cover to reveal robot that looks like a human)

Pepper: Is that a robot Dexter?

Dexter: A robot cyborg with computer intelligence set for two modes. Patrol and Destroy.

Blonde: Don’t you think it would be risky to have a mode set for only destroy.

Dexter: Times come when necessary sacrifices must be made.  He is the most advanced peice of technology we have in the world and anybody behind the back of this guy will never be harmed

T-2000: Come with me if you want to live

Dexter: There’s nothing else like him.

Mr President: Well I think I’ve seen enough. I want you Dexter and your team to begin making these robot cybrorgs things. In the meantime does anybody know where I can find the nearest burger king from here?

Jen: We’ll find you one sir

Jill: (To Chief and Dexter) Good day to you both. (Jen, Jill, and Mr. President Exit)

Dime: I should get going on the memo (She exits)

Blonde: This looks like to much power for one person to control Dexter.

Pepper: In the wrong hands this could be a deadly weapon.

Chief: The big man’s word is final.

Blonde: But Chief this invention will surely bring more harm than good.

Chief: I say enough Blonde. I don’t want you causing more trouble than you already do.  Now leave before I get the deadly weapon to escort you back to agency main headquarters.

(Chief grumbles and then exits with Pepper)

Dexter: Well he’s in a knot.

Chief: Don’t worry about Blonde. What I want you to worry about is producing the T-2000 and making it better.

Dexter: Maybe Blonde has a point Chief. I mean this isn’t a tickle me Elmo. It’s an actual robot.

Chief: I said don’t worry about Blonde. Now get to work.

(Chief exits. Samuel enters with two coffees looking for Chief and Blonde.)

Samuel: Chief!? Blonde!? Where did they go their coffees are getting cold. Oh hey there Dexter.

Dexter: Oh hey Samuel. Chief just went that way and I think Blonde just went in the opposite direction.

Samuel: Great at this rate I’ll never get to either of them. (Looks at the T-2000) Who’s this and how is he so still?

Dexter: That is the T-2000. It’s a highly dangerous robot cyborg.

Samuel: Oh really? (Goes up to touch it in the face)

Dexter: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. It has a very complicated defense mechanism touching it would only make it worse. Wait... (Silence)

Samuel: What?

Dexter: Thought I heard something. Here I’m going to go out for a snack. You’d better give Chief his coffee... even if it is cold.

Samuel: You’re going to leave the T-2000?

Dexter: I’ll only be gone awhile. (Exits)

Samuel: Hmmm (Exits forgetting the coffee. Moments pass and then Ninjas pop out of the desks where they were hiding the whole time. Have them come out during the black out and crouch to be unrecognized. The ninjas tip-toe to the T-2000 and try and sneak up on him but the T-2000 turns its head to notice the ninjas and they stand there for a second.)

T-2000: I need a vacation. INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT (Ninjas grab him and then turn him off and then wait to look around to see if anybody heard. They then press a button on his back to turn him back on. The T-2000 follows them with his robotic movements. All of a sudden Samuel Start comes back to retrieve the coffee.)

Samuel: Can’t believe I forgot the coff... What the?

(Everybody just stands still. Dr Sinister enters)

Dr Sinister: You know I was just going to wait in my secret lair but I was just too curious what was in here at the agency. You know it really is a... (notices Samuel Start) Why hello there.

Samuel: Hello Dr Sinister

Dr Sinister: Hello... I don’t really know your name... sorry. But it’s always great to have fans.

Samuel: I’m no fan of you.

Dr Sinister: Well that’s a shame really. Not alot of fans of Dr Sinister these days. Now If you excuse me I have to steal this... this... (to ninjas) what is this!? (Ninjas shrug)

Samuel: That’s the T-2000

Dr Sinister: Well anyways I’m stealing and there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it. I’m just standing here and you can’t do anything.  Point is nobody can stop me right now. I quote M.C Hammer when I say that you can’t touch this. (Egoistic)

Chief: Where is that coffee I asked for!? (Looks at Samuel, Ninjas, and Dr Sinister) What is happening right here?

Dr Sinister: Run! Just Run right now. (Ninja’s, T-2000, and Dr Sinister run to the exit)

Chief: Get him! (Samuel runs to offstage. FX sounds like fighting and then Samuel crawls back on all fours saying Ow. He lies down.) Oh god. With the T-2000 stolen we face the biggest threat this world has ever seen.

Samuel: Hey Chief, I’m pretty bruised up here do you mind helping me?

Chief: God help us all.

(Black out)

End of Act 1

Act 1 Scene 2 (First Draft)

(Nicole Dime is working as a secretary in the office of the agency. Enter Samuel Start with lots of paperwork)

Samuel: Hey Dime hows it going

Dime: Well it’s another busy day at the agency but things are kind of average so far... Is that some paperwork  you got there?

Samuel: Yes it is here you go... (hands paperwork) ... I think I found some really critical information on this Dr Sinister guy... My intel sources tell me that...

Dime:  Dr who?

Samuel: Dr Sinister, you haven’t heard of him? He was one of the most notorious villains in the world back when Chief was an agent... The banana split bonanza? The peppered plum plague? That was all him.

Dime: But Chief’s not an agent anymore Samuel... and he’s almost retiring... what makes you think that this Dr Sinister is an actual threat? He’s been hiding out in a cave somewhere for the past ten years and hasn’t shown his face since. Why do you think he’ll do otherwise.

Samuel: Well... he’s an evil genius i’m sure he’s got something up his sleeve.

Dime: You know what I think you should be doing instead of filing in mounds of paperwork about some unknown villain who doesn’t really matter? You should be out there with the other agents going on missions.

Samuel: Well Dime you know I want to but no matter how much I ask he’ll never let me.

Dime: Suit yourself Samuel, I still believe in you. I still think you got a shot at winning that secret agent of the year award if you tried hard and got on one of the missions. I hear we’re about to close in on Mister Doom.

Samuel: Thanks Dime.

Dime: No problem Sam. (Enter Chief with Dexter) Hey here comes chief now why don’t you just give the paperwork to him right now?

Samuel: Thanks again Dime.

Dime: Like I just said Sam... it’s no problem

(Sam goes to wait for Chief to talk)

Chief: Like I said Dexter, this weapon could help the agency a whole lot. Imagine all the criminals we could catch with something like that! (chuckles) You and me are going to save lives because of this breakthrough.

Dexter: Well Sir I had lot’s of help (modest)

Chief: (notices Samuel) Ahh Sam (Grabs paperwork and looks at it) more paperwork about Dr Sinister?

Samuel: Yes sir and I was also wondering if we could have a word in private...

Chief: (looks to Dexter) You can leave now Dexter, I’m sure you and you’re team have to work on some stuff for your invention of yours...

Dexter: Sure thing sir

Chief: (Pauses to flip through the booklet. Stops at a page) Why are you meantioning that he eats waffles with whipped cream on weekends.

Samuel: Well it could show that he is nervous about something... I mean it shows that he’s eating alot of calories not concerning his weight and I happen to know that in 2008 he was on a strict diet only eating...

Chief: You think too much about this Dr Sinister character. Start looking into Mister Doom or Professor Krumpet or another Well Known evil genius... Trust me he is not worth your time and it’s really not worth my time. (Leaving)

Samuel: Wait sir, I was wondering if I could go on the next mission. I hear they’re finding more stuff about professor plague and that they’re going to be sending an agent out into the field soon. I was wondering if that agent could be me.

Chief: (Pauses for a moment) You know Start, I like you. But you’re clumsy, and you try too hard... give me more paperwork some other evil geniuses and i’ll consider it. But for now you’ll have to wait.

Samuel: but sir that’s not good enough

Chief: It’ll have to be good enough because that’s my final answer!

Samuel: Yes sir.

Chief: Good, now go and get some coffee for me. (Start starts going) Not from the coffee machine here! You gotta go to my favourite coffee store “The Bean”. (Start starts going) Also, make it a double double soy lattee  no foam with extra peppermint to go (Start starts going again)... don’t forget the cinnamon.

Samuel: Is that all Chief?

Chief: Something is missing from that order... you know I’d like a little bit of cream to be... hmmm

Blonde: Could you say you wanted that cream put in to be “Shaken,  not stirred”.

Samuel: Great scott it’s James Blonde.

Blonde: (To the audience) Call me Blonde... James Blonde. (Back to chief) Chief.

Chief: Agent Blonde, It’s good to see you. (Enter Pepper) Oh and agent Pepper  how are you.

Pepper: Fine Chief just fine... (looks at Blonde) Anyway if you don’t mind Chief, James and I have some important business to talk about...

Samuel: What secret mission are you guys doing?

Pepper: (Glaring at Samuel and walks up to it) It`s Samuel Start isn`t it... Last time I saw you you were still writing paperwork... (grabs his paperwork)... and it seems that you haven’t stopped. Last time I checked Samuel the definition of a secret mission was that it remained a secret, and if you don’t mind I’d like to keep it that way.

Blonde: Now Pepper let’s not get too hasty. (Takes the paperwork and gives it back) Not everybody can go on missions. Only the lucky few, am I right Chief.

Chief: Precise Blonde.

Blonde: I see potential in you Start. I just haven’t seen you used it. Now If you don’t mind Start I think the Chief gave you an order.

Samuel: ummm yes right away... sorry... (Exits)

Blonde: So what is it Chief?

Chief: I’ve brought you both here today to show you an invention of Dexter’s. An invention that will change the

Samuel: (Enters again) So do you guys want coffee too... I mean I could get something if you guys wanted... (Glares from Pepper ) Umm... you know you guys look good... I`ll be leaving now... I guess... (Leaves)

Chief: (Grunt) Like I was saying... an Invention that will change the face of the agency forever... and maybe even the world.

(Blackout)

Act 1 Scene 1 (First Draft)

Dr Sinister: Welcome to my evil lair (evil laugh) My name is (dramatic pause) Dr Sinister. All of you don’t know it but under your seats are 35 deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads swimming in a pool of murky water. (evil laugh) As soon as I press this button the floor will open up and...

(Is interrupted by assistants coming in)

Dr Sinister: Yes?

(Number 5 whispers something in his ear)

Dr Sinister: WHAT?!

(Number 5 looks back at number 2 and number 3 who encourage him to keep talking and whispers something in Dr Sinister’s ear)

Dr Sinister: Are you telling me that my special shipment of deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads I paid extra to come faster was cancelled because Fed-Ex was “concerned” with the “safety” of their workers?

Number 5: Yes sir

Dr Sinister: Grah! very well, I will have to resort to the sea cows with death beams on their heads. (to the audience) They may not be as frightening but you’ll be surpised on wow deadly the...

Number 2:  (Interupts) Well sir, that isn’t possible either

Dr Sinister: Why?

Number 3: The oceanic wildlife preserve took them away. In fact I think they took all the animals you’ve been putting deathbeams on...

Dr Sinister: Wait wait what?!

Number 5: They’re also suing us for animal cruelty

Number 2: They also said that manatees were an endangered species and illegal to keep them as pets

Dr Sinister: Putting death beams on manatees isn’t animal cruelty! Who cares about manatees? They’re big fat blubbery cows that swim! Argh! This is preposterous! (Turns to the audience) Hmm well as it turns out we have no pihranas, no sea-cows, no tuna, no turtles, no baby turtles, no salmon (turns to the assistants) no pufferfish?

Number 2,3,5: No pufferfish

Dr Sinister: Rats. (Turns to the audience) Well it turns out I have lost all my deadly animals that were designed to terminate you to an oceanic wildlife preserve. Thankfully they did not take the water! So for all of you who cannot swim, prepare to meet your doom! (evil laugh and then presses the button. Nothing happens)

Dr Sinister: What? (presses button again. Presses it a ton of time to see if it will work. Nothing happens)

Dr Sinister: ARGHHH! (Slams the button. Electronic noises happen and the lights flicker and then go to blackout. Ninjas come on at this point)

Dr Sinister: What happened! (In black out)

Number 3: Well sir I think that the button blew a circuit in the electrical wiring

Dr Sinister: This button is useless, where is the lightswitch?

Number: 2 I’m not really sure sir maybe if we...

(Lights go back up and ninjas appear. Assistants and Dr Sinister are startled. Ninjas then go from their poses to bowing)

Dr Sinister: NINJAS! You can’t just sneak up behind people when they don’t know you’re there.

Number 5: That’s what you pay them for sir

Dr Sinister: ZIP IT Number 4

Number 5: I’m number 5 sir

Dr Sinister: What? If your number five then who are you two?

Number 2: Im number 2 sir

Number 3: And I’m number 3 sir

Dr Sinister: Where is number 4? *sigh Number four? I don’t see him anywhere...

Number 5: Fred quit sir

Dr Sinister: Number 4 quit? Since when?

Number 5: Since yesterday.

Dr Sinister: Well, he’s going to miss out on a bunch of awesomely evil stuff. Us four are going to be the best evil friends ever. We don’t need that number 4. Number 5, you are getting promoted to number 4. Your parents should be proud. As for you, Ninjas, I want you three to go sneak into the agency and just steal the most dangerous thing you see. Then come back to my lair where we will plot the most dastardly deed in the history of man kind (evil laugh) It’s brilliant! I surprise myself with my plans sometimes... And as for you (audience) Well I’ll just have to deal with you later. But Mark my words... deal with you I will... Come now assistants. (exit and then blackout)