Dr Sinister: Welcome to my evil lair (evil laugh) My name is (dramatic pause) Dr Sinister. All of you don’t know it but under your seats are 35 deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads swimming in a pool of murky water. (evil laugh) As soon as I press this button the floor will open up and...
(Is interrupted by assistants coming in)
Dr Sinister: Yes?
(Number 5 whispers something in his ear)
Dr Sinister: WHAT?!
(Number 5 looks back at number 2 and number 3 who encourage him to keep talking and whispers something in Dr Sinister’s ear)
Dr Sinister: Are you telling me that my special shipment of deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads I paid extra to come faster was cancelled because Fed-Ex was “concerned” with the “safety” of their workers?
Number 5: Yes sir
Dr Sinister: Grah! very well, I will have to resort to the sea cows with death beams on their heads. (to the audience) They may not be as frightening but you’ll be surpised on wow deadly the...
Number 2: (Interupts) Well sir, that isn’t possible either
Dr Sinister: Why?
Number 3: The oceanic wildlife preserve took them away. In fact I think they took all the animals you’ve been putting deathbeams on...
Dr Sinister: Wait wait what?!
Number 5: They’re also suing us for animal cruelty
Number 2: They also said that manatees were an endangered species and illegal to keep them as pets
Dr Sinister: Putting death beams on manatees isn’t animal cruelty! Who cares about manatees? They’re big fat blubbery cows that swim! Argh! This is preposterous! (Turns to the audience) Hmm well as it turns out we have no pihranas, no sea-cows, no tuna, no turtles, no baby turtles, no salmon (turns to the assistants) no pufferfish?
Number 2,3,5: No pufferfish
Dr Sinister: Rats. (Turns to the audience) Well it turns out I have lost all my deadly animals that were designed to terminate you to an oceanic wildlife preserve. Thankfully they did not take the water! So for all of you who cannot swim, prepare to meet your doom! (evil laugh and then presses the button. Nothing happens)
Dr Sinister: What? (presses button again. Presses it a ton of time to see if it will work. Nothing happens)
Dr Sinister: ARGHHH! (Slams the button. Electronic noises happen and the lights flicker and then go to blackout. Ninjas come on at this point)
Dr Sinister: What happened! (In black out)
Number 3: Well sir I think that the button blew a circuit in the electrical wiring
Dr Sinister: This button is useless, where is the lightswitch?
Number: 2 I’m not really sure sir maybe if we...
(Lights go back up and ninjas appear. Assistants and Dr Sinister are startled. Ninjas then go from their poses to bowing)
Dr Sinister: NINJAS! You can’t just sneak up behind people when they don’t know you’re there.
Number 5: That’s what you pay them for sir
Dr Sinister: ZIP IT Number 4
Number 5: I’m number 5 sir
Dr Sinister: What? If your number five then who are you two?
Number 2: Im number 2 sir
Number 3: And I’m number 3 sir
Dr Sinister: Where is number 4? *sigh Number four? I don’t see him anywhere...
Number 5: Fred quit sir
Dr Sinister: Number 4 quit? Since when?
Number 5: Since yesterday.
Dr Sinister: Well, he’s going to miss out on a bunch of awesomely evil stuff. Us four are going to be the best evil friends ever. We don’t need that number 4. Number 5, you are getting promoted to number 4. Your parents should be proud. As for you, Ninjas, I want you three to go sneak into the agency and just steal the most dangerous thing you see. Then come back to my lair where we will plot the most dastardly deed in the history of man kind (evil laugh) It’s brilliant! I surprise myself with my plans sometimes... And as for you (audience) Well I’ll just have to deal with you later. But Mark my words... deal with you I will... Come now assistants. (exit and then blackout)
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