Act 1 Scene 2 (First Draft)

(Nicole Dime is working as a secretary in the office of the agency. Enter Samuel Start with lots of paperwork)

Samuel: Hey Dime hows it going

Dime: Well it’s another busy day at the agency but things are kind of average so far... Is that some paperwork  you got there?

Samuel: Yes it is here you go... (hands paperwork) ... I think I found some really critical information on this Dr Sinister guy... My intel sources tell me that...

Dime:  Dr who?

Samuel: Dr Sinister, you haven’t heard of him? He was one of the most notorious villains in the world back when Chief was an agent... The banana split bonanza? The peppered plum plague? That was all him.

Dime: But Chief’s not an agent anymore Samuel... and he’s almost retiring... what makes you think that this Dr Sinister is an actual threat? He’s been hiding out in a cave somewhere for the past ten years and hasn’t shown his face since. Why do you think he’ll do otherwise.

Samuel: Well... he’s an evil genius i’m sure he’s got something up his sleeve.

Dime: You know what I think you should be doing instead of filing in mounds of paperwork about some unknown villain who doesn’t really matter? You should be out there with the other agents going on missions.

Samuel: Well Dime you know I want to but no matter how much I ask he’ll never let me.

Dime: Suit yourself Samuel, I still believe in you. I still think you got a shot at winning that secret agent of the year award if you tried hard and got on one of the missions. I hear we’re about to close in on Mister Doom.

Samuel: Thanks Dime.

Dime: No problem Sam. (Enter Chief with Dexter) Hey here comes chief now why don’t you just give the paperwork to him right now?

Samuel: Thanks again Dime.

Dime: Like I just said Sam... it’s no problem

(Sam goes to wait for Chief to talk)

Chief: Like I said Dexter, this weapon could help the agency a whole lot. Imagine all the criminals we could catch with something like that! (chuckles) You and me are going to save lives because of this breakthrough.

Dexter: Well Sir I had lot’s of help (modest)

Chief: (notices Samuel) Ahh Sam (Grabs paperwork and looks at it) more paperwork about Dr Sinister?

Samuel: Yes sir and I was also wondering if we could have a word in private...

Chief: (looks to Dexter) You can leave now Dexter, I’m sure you and you’re team have to work on some stuff for your invention of yours...

Dexter: Sure thing sir

Chief: (Pauses to flip through the booklet. Stops at a page) Why are you meantioning that he eats waffles with whipped cream on weekends.

Samuel: Well it could show that he is nervous about something... I mean it shows that he’s eating alot of calories not concerning his weight and I happen to know that in 2008 he was on a strict diet only eating...

Chief: You think too much about this Dr Sinister character. Start looking into Mister Doom or Professor Krumpet or another Well Known evil genius... Trust me he is not worth your time and it’s really not worth my time. (Leaving)

Samuel: Wait sir, I was wondering if I could go on the next mission. I hear they’re finding more stuff about professor plague and that they’re going to be sending an agent out into the field soon. I was wondering if that agent could be me.

Chief: (Pauses for a moment) You know Start, I like you. But you’re clumsy, and you try too hard... give me more paperwork some other evil geniuses and i’ll consider it. But for now you’ll have to wait.

Samuel: but sir that’s not good enough

Chief: It’ll have to be good enough because that’s my final answer!

Samuel: Yes sir.

Chief: Good, now go and get some coffee for me. (Start starts going) Not from the coffee machine here! You gotta go to my favourite coffee store “The Bean”. (Start starts going) Also, make it a double double soy lattee  no foam with extra peppermint to go (Start starts going again)... don’t forget the cinnamon.

Samuel: Is that all Chief?

Chief: Something is missing from that order... you know I’d like a little bit of cream to be... hmmm

Blonde: Could you say you wanted that cream put in to be “Shaken,  not stirred”.

Samuel: Great scott it’s James Blonde.

Blonde: (To the audience) Call me Blonde... James Blonde. (Back to chief) Chief.

Chief: Agent Blonde, It’s good to see you. (Enter Pepper) Oh and agent Pepper  how are you.

Pepper: Fine Chief just fine... (looks at Blonde) Anyway if you don’t mind Chief, James and I have some important business to talk about...

Samuel: What secret mission are you guys doing?

Pepper: (Glaring at Samuel and walks up to it) It`s Samuel Start isn`t it... Last time I saw you you were still writing paperwork... (grabs his paperwork)... and it seems that you haven’t stopped. Last time I checked Samuel the definition of a secret mission was that it remained a secret, and if you don’t mind I’d like to keep it that way.

Blonde: Now Pepper let’s not get too hasty. (Takes the paperwork and gives it back) Not everybody can go on missions. Only the lucky few, am I right Chief.

Chief: Precise Blonde.

Blonde: I see potential in you Start. I just haven’t seen you used it. Now If you don’t mind Start I think the Chief gave you an order.

Samuel: ummm yes right away... sorry... (Exits)

Blonde: So what is it Chief?

Chief: I’ve brought you both here today to show you an invention of Dexter’s. An invention that will change the

Samuel: (Enters again) So do you guys want coffee too... I mean I could get something if you guys wanted... (Glares from Pepper ) Umm... you know you guys look good... I`ll be leaving now... I guess... (Leaves)

Chief: (Grunt) Like I was saying... an Invention that will change the face of the agency forever... and maybe even the world.

(Blackout)

Act 1 Scene 1 (First Draft)

Dr Sinister: Welcome to my evil lair (evil laugh) My name is (dramatic pause) Dr Sinister. All of you don’t know it but under your seats are 35 deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads swimming in a pool of murky water. (evil laugh) As soon as I press this button the floor will open up and...

(Is interrupted by assistants coming in)

Dr Sinister: Yes?

(Number 5 whispers something in his ear)

Dr Sinister: WHAT?!

(Number 5 looks back at number 2 and number 3 who encourage him to keep talking and whispers something in Dr Sinister’s ear)

Dr Sinister: Are you telling me that my special shipment of deadly pihranas with death beams attached to their heads I paid extra to come faster was cancelled because Fed-Ex was “concerned” with the “safety” of their workers?

Number 5: Yes sir

Dr Sinister: Grah! very well, I will have to resort to the sea cows with death beams on their heads. (to the audience) They may not be as frightening but you’ll be surpised on wow deadly the...

Number 2:  (Interupts) Well sir, that isn’t possible either

Dr Sinister: Why?

Number 3: The oceanic wildlife preserve took them away. In fact I think they took all the animals you’ve been putting deathbeams on...

Dr Sinister: Wait wait what?!

Number 5: They’re also suing us for animal cruelty

Number 2: They also said that manatees were an endangered species and illegal to keep them as pets

Dr Sinister: Putting death beams on manatees isn’t animal cruelty! Who cares about manatees? They’re big fat blubbery cows that swim! Argh! This is preposterous! (Turns to the audience) Hmm well as it turns out we have no pihranas, no sea-cows, no tuna, no turtles, no baby turtles, no salmon (turns to the assistants) no pufferfish?

Number 2,3,5: No pufferfish

Dr Sinister: Rats. (Turns to the audience) Well it turns out I have lost all my deadly animals that were designed to terminate you to an oceanic wildlife preserve. Thankfully they did not take the water! So for all of you who cannot swim, prepare to meet your doom! (evil laugh and then presses the button. Nothing happens)

Dr Sinister: What? (presses button again. Presses it a ton of time to see if it will work. Nothing happens)

Dr Sinister: ARGHHH! (Slams the button. Electronic noises happen and the lights flicker and then go to blackout. Ninjas come on at this point)

Dr Sinister: What happened! (In black out)

Number 3: Well sir I think that the button blew a circuit in the electrical wiring

Dr Sinister: This button is useless, where is the lightswitch?

Number: 2 I’m not really sure sir maybe if we...

(Lights go back up and ninjas appear. Assistants and Dr Sinister are startled. Ninjas then go from their poses to bowing)

Dr Sinister: NINJAS! You can’t just sneak up behind people when they don’t know you’re there.

Number 5: That’s what you pay them for sir

Dr Sinister: ZIP IT Number 4

Number 5: I’m number 5 sir

Dr Sinister: What? If your number five then who are you two?

Number 2: Im number 2 sir

Number 3: And I’m number 3 sir

Dr Sinister: Where is number 4? *sigh Number four? I don’t see him anywhere...

Number 5: Fred quit sir

Dr Sinister: Number 4 quit? Since when?

Number 5: Since yesterday.

Dr Sinister: Well, he’s going to miss out on a bunch of awesomely evil stuff. Us four are going to be the best evil friends ever. We don’t need that number 4. Number 5, you are getting promoted to number 4. Your parents should be proud. As for you, Ninjas, I want you three to go sneak into the agency and just steal the most dangerous thing you see. Then come back to my lair where we will plot the most dastardly deed in the history of man kind (evil laugh) It’s brilliant! I surprise myself with my plans sometimes... And as for you (audience) Well I’ll just have to deal with you later. But Mark my words... deal with you I will... Come now assistants. (exit and then blackout)